THE Dragons are back on RTÉ, breathing about as much fire as a wet sod of turf. But sooner or later stern schoolmarm Sarah Newman will trouser up some cash for something on this show – even if it’s only a round of coffees to prevent her fellow fat cats from falling asleep.

In fairness, week one saw two investments although the latter appeared to be based more on a Donegal German’s ability to make Gavin Duffy laugh than any belief he might have in the device that makes the back of your toilet look neater.

Of course there is a chance that this plastic surround for the base of your waste pipe is exactly what you need to turn your average home into the talk of the neighbourhood, but I can’t see myself forking out for it just yet.

And if we did, we’d probably organise tours of the neighbours just so they could visit our loo and see how we’ve cleaned up our act behind the cistern, leaving them all green with envy – or maybe just green with the smell off the bowl.

The vast majority of our budding entrepreneurs should never have been allowed out of their garden sheds, and in that light it’s hard to blame DJ Carey’s missus for not coughing up a few quid from her massive fortune.

But she’s sat there like a posh bird on a first date ever since the start of this RTE version of the BBC original, never paying for anything all night long but offering withering comment and patronising glances to deflate the hopes and expectations of would-be suitors.

This isn’t the worst RTÉ remake of a show from across the Irish Sea, but like Fair City, for example, you find yourself comparing ours with theirs – and it doesn’t quite cut the mustard.

Because while they’re doing live episodes on Albert Square and preparing for an incendiary half century celebration on Coronation Street, the height of excitement in Carrigstown is whether Keith will go for a night in Kilkenny with his buddy Ray or his clingy girlfriend Sarah.
 

As to the drama between Paul and Niamh, the man was never going to leave town and Niamh was never really going to dump him – so in reality they was more tension over whether or not the new menu at Vinos would have chips on it.

For more, read page 18 of this week's Connacht Sentinel.